Gravitation

Gravitate: to be attracted by or as if by an irresistible force; a movement towards a source of attration.

Do you ever step outside of yourself and observe your own actions? Lately I have noticed that my thoughts and actions have been pulling me in an interesting direction. Tonight I attended a branch activity at the branch president's house. When I arrived (fashionably late of course), the branch presidency's wives were the first ones to greet me. I was perfectly content to keep company with them rather than go mingle with the rest of the branch members. I have more in common with the wives than I do with most of the branch members, and I am closer in age to the presidency members and their wives than I am to most of the branch members. Don't get me wrong, I get along just fine with most of the members of the branch, but I think that my preference for company would be to hang out with the presidency and their wives hands down. It looks like I am gravitating out of the branch soon...

I long (almost daily) to be with my family. Sometimes I feel like I am missing out on so much because I live so far away from my family. They get to do things together often, and they recently went on a trip to Lagoon all together. I will see them a lot this summer, but just in short segments of time. I wish I could have them as a more consistent part of my life, and be a more consistent part of theirs. It would seem that I may be gravitating closer to home, when the time is right and the plan permits...

Today was one of those days (the second or third one this week), that I really just wish I could be a mom. The desire to have kids gets a little stronger every year, while the opportunity to meet and date good men seems to dwindle. My heart wants to be a mother more than anything, but my social life isn't helping much. It's not that I'm unhappy in any way. I actually have a great life. I get to do the things I love to do, and explore new avenues in life often. I have great people in my life. I have an amazing family who I know supports me in all that I do. I get to be an aunt to nine of the coolest people I know. The people I work with feel like a family. I am blessed beyond measure in all respects, and I know this. But I can't help feeling that there is a hole in my life right now. I try to fill it with the students I teach, the athletes I coach, and the youth I get to work with, but I can't fill it with the one thing I know would make me whole. It is hard to gravitate to things that are currently unattainable...

I know there is a plan for my life. I trust that all things will work together for my good, if I am righteous and keep my covenants. I know that I am doing the right thing, at the right time, in the right place. I just can't shake the feeling that there is so much more out there that I have yet to discover, yet feel that I have progressed along this path as far as I can on my own. I am naturally moving towards good things, and hope there will be a nice spot picked out just for me when I arrive.